I've got candy dammit!

"Your house is scary."

That's what one of the few trick-or-treaters we've actually had said to me. I hope he was commenting on the dim porch light, flickering candles and eerie Halloween sound fx and music coming from the speakers on the front porch. I want to believe that. But then I wonder why we aren't getting that many trick-or-treaters. Is it too scary?

We've gotten enough kids for me to count on one hand. I've got candy dammit! Pixy stix, even! L bought Pixy Stix for your sugary pleasure. It doesn't get any purer than that.

I sit here typing and waiting. I hear the voices outside as they shuffle along the sidewalk. I look across the street to my neighbors house and it's packed with kids. They have Halloween lights up like it was Christmas. As I peer thru the peephole I see packs and packs of kids at their door. Their place is brightly lit and.... what the hell? They've got a friggin' smoke machine. Damn! They're good.

Next year will be a different year. I'm up to about 10 kids now. Lights out in 18 minutes.